I’ve been wandering around for years in a state of shock, not doing very much, trying to make myself feel better.
I think I might feel better if I could develop a programme to guide me.
Everything is grounded in the immediate experience of now. We are here and not elsewhere, and we act from where we are. The immediate experience of now reasserts itself as reality no matter how often it is denied.
That feels a bit better. That’s something to hang onto, something to guide me. Can I add anything to it – something that allows me to feel less foolish, something to elevate myself above my degradation, something that appears to possess the weight (or is it the lightness?) of truth, something to make me feel special?
There is no secret wisdom. Everything is provisional. Nothing is certain. There are no reliable authorities. All systems are arbitrary and only acquire meaning if their constituent elements are accepted as if they were true. All supposedly valid systems can be invalidated by the simple expedient of refusing their premises.
How can I assert my identity, or something that might develop into a coherent identity? How can I go beyond space and time without losing myself completely? How can I say, “Fuck you” to the Masters?
What people tell me I am is a fiction. I am beyond any definition given by the other. I am beyond any definition given by myself. I am beyond what I’m told I am. I begin nowhere. I end nowhere. I occupy a space between beginning and end, which is constant but seems to change. The mortal and corruptible body is absolutely linked to any notion of super sensible being with which it is associated. We have the necessary resources within us and we do not need instruction from elsewhere.
Things seem to be looking up. I’m happy. I’m breathing clean air. I’m a hero in the cause of truth. I’ve ascended and made a stab at revenge. I’m prepared. How can I move on from here?
Form is a treatment of unfettered imagination. The limited is a manifestation of the limitless. Limitless being exists in the context of finite being; the endless is known by that which knows a beginning and end. The end is in the beginning and the beginning is in the end. The beginning and the end differ by virtue of that which has passed between them.
That’s a beginning. How will it end?